I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
