Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
