smell my finger.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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