you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
