i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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