I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize