So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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