I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
