Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
