Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
