Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
