Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
