i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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