I skipped work to stalk him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
