And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
