i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
