I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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