how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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