I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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