She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
