she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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