I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
