he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
