covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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