I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
