Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
