were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
