drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
