What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the condom got lost in my hair
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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