I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
