I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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