I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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