So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have already put on my inside pants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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