Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
