Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
