He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
