Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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