A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
