i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
