when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
