giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
