Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
