The maid of honor just puked.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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