i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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