Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm jealous of your bromance
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
