We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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