She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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