i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sext me about skeletons
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dick very happy bro
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
