Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
