I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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