Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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