Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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