So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
