You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
