your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
