He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
