so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
