You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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