Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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