yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
