I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
