1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
