Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
