I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
