I think im going to throw up on grandma
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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