So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
