I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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