Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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