You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
