Michael Bay diarrhea
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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