Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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