People in love make me want to vomit
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
