I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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