she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
