I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
