Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
